Seinfeld: The Series Rewatch - "The Alternate Side" (S3, E10)

JT's comments below originally ran as part of Place to Be Nation's "Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch" project.

Best Character

Another toss up this time around, with Jerry and George leading the way for me. I thought George was awesome in his frantic state and eventual meltdown where he rants about his sorry life under the pretense of delivering the pretzels line. But, I think Jerry narrowly nudges him out as he was great in just about every scene he was in, from the nonsense at the car rental place to his solemn observations of Owen, I really enjoyed him throughout this one.

Best Storyline

The car parking dominated this one as it encapsulated the main storyline for both George and Jerry and brought quite a few laughs throughout. Kramer's movie star aspirations and ensuing line rehearsal added some chuckles, but George's meltdown and Jerry's rant against the car rental agent easily carried this whole episode. Toss in Sid shaming George's parking and pants wearing skills and you have an easy winner.

Ethical Dilemma of the Week

If you are about to break up with someone that has a stroke, how long are you obligated to remain by their side? I think it depends how long you have been together and at what level of your relationship is at. For Elaine and Owen, I think she was justified in bailing as they had only dated seven times and banged no more than a handful of occasions. She is under no obligation to nurse him back to health. I do think Jerry was right though: seven dates is enough to require a face-to-face breakup.

Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)

Elaine and Owen were mismatched from the start. At least for Elaine anyway, who really doesn't seem to know why she is with him. Owen admits he was in it for the nookie alone, so good on him. Also, George and car parking was a match made in hell. Relationship Grade: 1/10

What Worked

Jerry and Kramer talking to the car thief was well done; Sid is a great angry old man; Jerry's speech in the car rental place is an all time classic scene and resonates quite a bit with me; George's frenetic dash around the apartment during the car brouhaha sums up George quite well; The pretzels line immediately enters the Seinfeld Pantheon; Jerry, Elaine and Kramer freaking out and tossing out remedies while Owen is unconscious was tremendous, including them being chastised by the paramedics for force feeding him cookies; Jerry being stuck with the damage bill on the car was a hint of things to come for these characters and proof that things will end poorly more often than not; The final scene with the callback to Kramer's gloves was a nice way to close it out.

What Didn't Work

Even Jerry and George's casual clothes are awful; Sid seems to have taken zero responsibility for Jerry's car being stolen; Nothing else, I really enjoyed this episode.

Key Character Debuts

Sid the Car Parker

Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes

- Kramer is an extra in a Woody Allen movie
- "I don't understand, how do these thieves start the car?" - George "They cross the wires or something." - Jerry "Cross the wires? I can't even make a pot of spaghetti." - George
- "I'm going down to visit my sister in Virginia next Wednesday, for a week, so I can't park it." - Sid "This Wednesday?" - Jerry "No, next Wednesday, week after this Wednesday." - Sid "But the Wednesday two days from now is the next Wednesday." - Jerry "If I meant this Wednesday, I would have said this Wednesday. It's the week after this Wednesday." - Sid
- "What do you think, would you go out with a sixty-six year old woman?" - Elaine "Well, I'll tell you, she would have to be really vibrant. So vibrant, she'd be spinning." - Jerry
- "Yeah, you better give me the insurance because I'm gonna beat the hell out of that thing." - Jerry
- "Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty." - Kramer
- "What was wrong with that? I had a different interpretation! Do you know anything about this pretzel guy?! Maybe he's been in the bar a really long time and he's really depressed because he has no job and no woman and he's parking cars for a living! (out the window to honking cars) Alright! Alright! Shut up! Shut up! I hear you! I'm coming down! These pretzels are making me thirsty!" - George
- "Shouldn't you do something with the extremities?" - Jerry "What extremities?" - Elaine "What's an extremity?" - Kramer "You raise the feet, get blood to the head." - Jerry "You raise the head, you get blood to the feet." - Kramer
- "Moving cars from one side of the street to the other don't take no more sense than putting on a pair of pants. My question to you is who's putting your pants on?" - Sid "I put my pants on, Sid." - George "I don't believe you. If you can put your pants on, you can move those cars." - Sid "Well I don't want to get into a big dispute about the pants." - George "Who's gonna send money to my sister in Virginia? Her little boy needs surgery on his foot. Now he'll be walking around with a limp because you can't park a few cars." - Sid "Maybe I could call my father." - George
- "You're not covered for other drivers." - Agent "Other drivers?" - Jerry "Um hm." - Agent "Your whole business is based on other drivers. It's a rented car. That's who's driving it, other drivers. Doesn't my credit card cover me or something?" - Jerry "Not that particular one." - Agent "Well I got a hundred cards, here, pick a card, take a card, any card you want, go ahead, whichever one, I don't care." - Jerry "Sir, if you had read the rental agreement--" - Agent "Did you see the size of that document? It's like the Declaration of Independence, who's gonna read that?" - Jerry "Mr. Seinfeld, as it stands right now, you are not covered for that damage and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about that." - Agent "These pretzels are making me thirsty." - Jerry

Oddities & Fun Facts

- Jerry has a car phone

Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)

This episode caught me off guard as I did not expect to enjoy this one as much as I did. Sid was pretty funny as the grumpy car parker, especially at the end as he just trashed George. There was a lot of brilliant weaving of stories and characters here, with everything cresting during the Unconscious Owen scene. That may be one of my most favorite scenes of the show's run so far. Toss in the "Pretzels" line and Jerry's rental car rant and you have an unheralded early series classic. I was ready to go a tick higher here but I felt like the end of the episode sputtered a bit and ground to a close instead of finishing strong. Regardless, this was another great episode in what has become a surprisingly great season. Final Grade: 7/10