Seinfeld: The Series Rewatch - "The Bris" (S5, E5)

JT's comments below originally ran as part of Place to Be Nation's "Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch" project.

seinbris

Best Character

The Mohel was really damn good in his limited work but this was Kramer from the start. He was fantastic in his quest to locate the Pig Man and always, his schemes end up costing his friends in the end. His descriptions and defenses of the Pig Man mixed with his wild conspiracy theories were top notch. The K-Man takes it.

Best Storyline

The Pig Man and there is not much debate. The Mohel's foibles and George's poor luck run were pretty damn good and in most episodes, they would have challenged, but the Pig Man stuff was next level.

Ethical Dilemma of the Week

What level of friendship must you be at to be asked to be a godparent? I mean if Stan is really just a dude from Jerry's softball team, then I think it is a little much to put that sort of responsibility on poor Jerome. They all swap over to Kramer because of mistaking his anti-circumcision stance for true love of their son, but if they knew the K-Man at all, they would know he is an awful choice. Stan & Myra suck.

Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)

Stan and Myra are made for each other. Insufferable pricks, the both of them. They can enjoy their shitty marriage and the child they will clearly raise to be a pussy that will forever be scared of the world. Get the fuck out of here! Relationship Grade: 10/10

What Worked:

I never get tired of George bragging and/or fretting over parking; Kramer telling the suicidal patient where the elevator is, eating random food and discovering the Pig Man is about as strong a start as you can get; Some guy committing suicide by jumping off a building and landing on your car can only happen to George; Elaine's description of an uncircumcised penis was tremendous; All of Kramer's descriptive adjectives of the Pig Man are amazing, every single one of them, especially the discussion over the Pig Man and his two seater car; George's scene with the hospital administrator was awkwardly fantastic; Kramer trying to bully the doctor into revealing the Pig Man's location was great; The Mohel is an immediate force of nature, from storming in and announcing himself proudly to his inane ranting about babies crying, scary neighborhoods and glass placement on tables; The scene in George's wrecked car is tremendous, including his bragging about the parking spot yet again; Jerry and the Mohel fighting outside the hospital room was great and it is capped by Kramer running down the hallway with the Pig Man; Tremendous payoff with the Pig Man stealing George's car and Kramer becoming the new Godfather

What Didn't Work

I hate Stan and his hair and attitude; The hospital administrator is a real piece of work for trying to pin this all on George; Jerry's Godfather impression is indeed awful; Stan and Myra are the worst

Key Character Debuts

The Pig Man
The Mohel

Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes

- "So after the sucking, comes the weaning." - Jerry "First the sucking then the weaning." - Elaine "Well, you gotta wean." - Jerry "Gotta wean." - Stan
- "The pig man! I saw a pig man! He was just lying there and then he woke up. He looked up at me and made this horrible sound!" - Kramer
- "A bris? you mean snip snip?" - Kramer "Yeah." - Stan "I would advise against that." - Kramer "Kramer. It's a tradition." - Elaine "Well, so was sacrificing virgins to appease the gods, but we don't do that anymore." - Kramer "Well, maybe we should." - Jerry
- "Oh, finding a Mohel is a piece of cake. Any idiot can find a Mohel. I have the tough job. I have to hold the baby while they do it. How would you like that job?" - Jerry
- "Look at our little Elaine. Look at her. Attended the finest finishing schools on the Eastern seaboard. Equestrian competitions. Debutante balls. Well, look at her now. Interviewing Mohels." - Jerry
- "Don't even question my instincts, because my instincts are honed." - Kramer
- "I'm tellin ya the pigman is alive. The governments been experimenting with pigmen since the fifties." - Kramer
- "Oh. Jerry wake up to reality. It's military thing. They're probably creating a whole army of pig warriors." - Kramer
- "Believe me, there'd be plenty of women going for the pig-men. No matter what the deformity you'll find some group of perverts attracted to it. 'Oo that little tail turns me on.'" - Jerry
- "Believe me, Jerry, somewhere in this hospital the anguished oink of pigman cries for help." - Kramer
- "You got room for the pig man?" - Kramer "The pig man can take the bus." - George "You know, if pig man had a car, he'd give you a ride." - Kramer "How do you know? What if pig man had a two-seater?" - George "Come on George, be realistic." - Kramer "All right, if pig-man comes along, we'll squeeze him in. I'll see you later." - George
- "Look, you little quack, I know you had a half man half pig holed up in that room, there. Now where is he?! Where is he?!" - Kramer "Half-what?" - Doctor "You know what - bacon, sausage, A-dee-a-dee-a-dee th-th-th-that's all folks." - Kramer
- "Did I find it alright? I mean could you send me to a more dangerous neighborhood? I'm dreading walking back to the subway, someone shouldn't crack me over the head and steal my bag, soon I'll be lying there on the street in this neighborhood and people will spit on me and empty my pockets. I'll lie in the gutter like a bum, like a dog, like a mutt, like an animal! God forbid someone should help me or call an ambulance. No, that's too much trouble to pick up a phone and press a few buttons. Ahh! What's the point." - Mohel
- "This is a bris. We are performing a bris here, not a burlesque show. This is not a school play! This is not a baggy pants farce! This is a bris. An ancient, sacred ceremony, symbolizing the covenant between God and Abraham... or something." - Mohel
- "Well if it isn't Shakey the Mohel! You did a hell of a circumcision there pal. But it's not supposed to be a finger." - Mohel

Oddities & Fun Facts

N/A

Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)

What a fantastic episode from top to bottom. The writing was super tight and the Pig Man is an all time storyline with a great payoff. The Mohel stuff was really done too, with both Jerry and Elaine delivering strong performances alongside Shaky the Butcher. George's issue is very Curb Your Enthusiasm, where is pretty right but really damn stuck and then ultimately dicked over by the world. Very little to complain about here, other than the awful Stan and Myra of course. Final Grade: 9/10

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