Seinfeld: The Series Rewatch - "The Caddy" (S7, E12)

JT's comments below originally ran as part of Place to Be Nation's "Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch" project.

seincaddy

Best Character

Kramer called a woman a "dame". That would normally do it... but Jackie Chiles was here. And he was as awesome as always. But...Frank Costanza gets two lines and destroys everyone in his path. His message that he leaves Jerry is amazing. And, he said everything that every Yankee fan has ever thought of about that brutal Jay Buhner/Ken Phelps trade. Get 'em Frank!

Best Storyline

Tricky choice here but I will go with George's scheming because it delivered the best lines and moments of the episode, including Frank Constanza's tour de force.
Aaron: I'll be honest I haven't seen this one since I was about thirteen or fourteen and I've got to say I appreciate Sue Ellen Mishkie on a whole new level now. So her thing. Whatever it is.
Andrew: I think it’s the car storyline. It’s just so perfect that George was gifted with a great way to get ahead without doing any extra work, and that he would immediately ruin it by getting greedy. Plus, this storyline has George’s parents and Frank’s epic Jay Buhner rant, and that’s hard to top.
Jordan: Tough call - I can't decide between Sue Ellen's bra/no bra situation and George's parked car getting him a promotion. George's was funny, but Sue Ellen's was very boob-centric. I'll go boob-centric.
Jason: Stan being Karmer's caddy/life coach killed as did Elaine's rivalry with Sue Ellen, but Big Stein declaring George is dead and the events that follow takes it for me.

Ethical Dilemma of the Week

Should Jerry have assisted George in this scheme? I am not sure. I mean George was being very brazen and Jerry warned him of these perils so close to his promotion. It was a ballsy move but friends is friends. Jerry did the right thing initially... until he fucked it all up.

Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)

Jay Buhner and the Mariners was a match made in heaven. A steady lineup presence to extend an already lethal lineup and he was pretty much served up on a platter by Big Stein. The punishment was a brutal defeat to Seattle in the 1995 ALDS. Poor Donnie Baseball. Relationship Grade: 1995 Sucked/10

What Worked:

George's auto club scheme is a wily one; The idea of Kramer working the PSA Senior circuit is amazing; I love Jerry & George's stereo "Stan the Caddy"; Sue Ellen's "Just hanging out"; I enjoyed the vintage Elaine in college footage; The call back to the cabin being rebuilt is so good; Sue Ellen rocking the bra as a top is a great fuck you; Kramer immediately agreeing to go to the Bronx with Jerry always makes me laugh; Sue Ellen causing the crash is nice storyline continuity; Kramer counting on Stan for all his advice in life is perfect Kramer booking; Jackie Chiles is so awesome; Dr. Bison!; I like the ongoing saga of Jerry botching George's schemes; Steinbrenner visiting the Costanzas is an all time epic scene; Good use of the word crumpled by Jerry; Peterman wanting to market the bra top is great payback to Elaine; Kramer's "if they're lucky" was an awesome line; Jerry melting down under oath is a nice callback to his Melrose Place fiasco; "Who the hell is Stan?"

What Didn't Work

Kind of a stupid plan by Jerry, wouldn't it be better for the car not to be at Yankee Stadium at all instead of leaving it there all trashed

Key Character Debuts

- Sue Ellen Mishke
- Stan the Caddy

Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes

- "What are those, ah, cotton pants?" - Stan "Yeah...Why, is it too cold out?" - Kramer "Here's what you do: you bring a lightweight jacket, that way the sun comes out, you play the jacket off the sweater." - Stan
- "Oh, great. It's the bra-less wonder. Who does she think she's kidding? Look at her, she's totally out of control." - Elaine
- "Assistant to the General Manager!! You know what means? He'd could be askin' my advice on trades! Trades, Jerry, I'm a heartbeat away!" - George "That's a hell of an organization they're running up there. I can't understand why they haven't won a pennant in 15 years." - Jerry
- "Yeah, well I'm thinking about getting out of town with Susan for a few days...Her parents rebuilt the cabin!" - George "So, you're just taking off from work?" - Jerry "They won't know. I got the car there." - George "Do you think this is such a good idea, with you being on the verge of this big promotion?" - Jerry "My presence, in that office, can only hurt my chances." - George
- "Alright, this is what ya gotta do: I need ya to go out to the parking lot at Yankee Stadium, and take the flyers off my car." - George "You know last time you had me throwin' a rye bread up three floors to you, now you want me to go up to the Bronx, take flyers off your car, where does it end?" - Jerry "Alright, alright. I'll drive the 4 hours each way, 6 hours all together, and take 'em off myself!!" - George "Alright, alright, I'll do it!!" - Jerry
- "Do ya wanna go with me up to the Bronx and see if there's any flyers on George's car." - Jerry "Sure!" - Kramer "I guess I coulda said just about anything there, couldn't I?" - Jerry "Yep." - Kramer
- "That's the bra I gave here, she's wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on, she's a menace to society." - Elaine
- "Sue her?" - Kramer "Yeah, she's loaded. She's the heiress to the O'Henry candy bar fortune." - Elaine "No, no, no, I can't. I learned my lesson from that coffee company." - Kramer "Kramer, listen to me. Listen! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Your dreams have been shattered, somebody's got to be held accountable. Come on, we'll take for every penny she's got!" - Elaine "What do you think, Stan?" - Kramer "Let's go for the green! You know a good lawyer?" - Stan
- " So we got an attractive woman, wearing a bra, no top, walking' around in broad daylight. She's flouting society's conventions!" - Jackie "She was flouting." - Kramer "That's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, vesivius, salacious, outrageous!" - Jackie
- "I think I got it. How 'bout this? How 'bout this? We trade Jim Leyritz and Bernie Williams, for Barry Bonds, huh? Whadda ya think? That way you have Griffey and Bonds, in the same outfield! Now you gotta team!" - George
- "As quickly as he came here, he's gone. The poor little guy! Easy. Easy, big Stein, get it together." - Steinbrenner
- "I see...Yessss. Little Miss Candy Bar paid a visit, didn't she?" - Kramer "Kramer, it is not what you think." - Jerry "Ah, Ah, Ahhhhh! I know what I think. I think you're gaga over this dame. She's twisted you around her little finger, and now, you're willing to sell me, and Elaine, and whoever else you have to, right down the river." - Kramer "And what about yooou?!? Tryin' to bilk an innocent bystander out of a family fortune, built on sweat and toil, manufacturing quality O'Henry candy bars, for honest, hard-working Americans!" - Jerry "You're just out for sex!" - Kramer "You're just out for money!" - Jerry
- "Well, he'd been logging some pretty heavy hours, first one in in the morning, last one to leave at night. That kid was a human dynamo." - Steinbrenner "Are you sure you're talking about George?" - Estelle "You are Mr. and Mrs. Costanza?" - Steinbrenner "What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?!? He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBIs last year, he's got a rocket for an arm, you don't know what the hell you're doin'!!" - Frank "Well, Buener was a good prospect, no question about it. But my baseball people love Ken Phelps' bat. They kept saying 'Ken Phelps , Ken Phelps'." - Steinbrenner
- "Jerry, it's Frank Costanza, Mr. Steinbrenner is here, George is dead, call me back!" - Frank
- "Aren't you gonna tell your parents you're still alive?" - Jerry "Nnnooo! They could use the break!" - George
- "Yeah, it's me sir. It's been a harrowing few days. After the car accident, I crawled into a ditch and managed to survive on grubs and puddle water, until a kindly old gentleman picked me up." - George "Grubs, huh? Gotta admit, I never tasted one of those." - Steinbrenner "Anyway, as I was lying in the puddle, I think I may have found a way for us to get Bonds and Griffey, and we wouldn't have to give up that much." - Steinbrenner
- "Alright, alright, I saw her! And she was beautiful in that bra! I'm crazy about her! I love her whole free swinging, free wheeling attitude!" - Jerry
- " Damn fools! Look at that! We got nothin' now, nothin'! I've been practicing law for 25 years, you're listenin'
to a caddy! This is a public humiliation! You can't let the defendant have control of the key piece of evidence. Plus, she's trying it on over a leotard, of course a bra's not gonna fit on over a leotard. A bra gotta fit right up a person's skin, like a glove!" - Jackie

Oddities & Fun Facts

- The entire courtroom scene is a spoof of the infamous OJ Simpson trial

Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)

There was a lot to like here, with some strong story weaving and killer lines, mainly from George, Frank and Jackie. Kramer was on point too, especially his face-to-face haranguing of Jerry before they went to court. Sue Ellen, hache mache, natch. Stan the Caddy is a great random character too and it makes perfect sense that Kramer would just listen to everything he says. This one was all about the guests as they blended in perfectly with the main cast to keep this humming along and delivering the laughs. It is just short of the top tiers, but it is a strong top of the bucket performer. Now, excuse me, I am going to grab my lightweight jacket to play off my sweater. Final Grade: 7/10

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