JT's comments below originally ran as part of Place to Be Nation's "Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch" project.
Best Character
Throughout the whole episode I was debating this between George and Kramer. Both were superb, especially Kramer slowly morphing into The Assman. Then Frank Costanza showed up and it was ball game. From his dumbbell workout, to his foreplay move, to his power walk into Jerry's apartment and demonstration, to his stubborn refusal to give up on the Manssiere nickname, he was a force of nature. Cap that off with his uncomfortable demise that was stamped with his deadpan explanation to his estranged wife and you have a lights out winner.
Best Storyline
As much as I want to go with the sex stealing stuff, the fact that Jerry suddenly is some lothario with an amazing sex move took me just a bit out of it. The Assman is where it is at. Even the DMV clerk was tremendous when she delivers the plate and confirms with Kramer that she is correct. It was all gravy from there, ending with the top notch tie in and pay off with the proctologist.
Ethical Dilemma of the Week
Can you really steal a sex move? It wasn't patented. Jerry doesn't perform it on stage. He told Puddy all his secrets, you have to assume that if something that impressive is revealed that it may be cribbed and used elsewhere. Lock down you property, Jerome, or just let Puddy practice his swirl on Elaine all night long.
Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)
Nancy is a bitch. She pouts when George doesn't please her in the bed, so he works hard, learns some new tricks and takes notes to ensure he can perform it accurately. She loves it but then gets mad that he jotted it down. Who the fuck does she think she is? Move on, Georgie Boy, she ain't worth the counter clockwise swirl. Relationship Grade: 0/10
What Worked:
George commenting that Monk's sells lobster was funny and I loved his instant anger at anything Estelle says; The Guatemalan Ricardo Montalban kid; ASSMAN!; Puddy's post sex breathing is a thing of beauty; The fact that Jerry has a killer sex move may finally explain how he lands all these bombshells; The Pinch vs. The Swirl; Nancy Klopper is an odd name; Kramer proudly walking in with the Fusilli Jerry was tremendous, as was him working on a Ravioli George; The whole Assman convo in the apartment; Puddy's delivery is amazing right away and his argument with Jerry is really fun, especially with Jerry offering to allow him to do the move out of town only; George butchering The Move; 36-24-46; Kramer parking in the doctor's only spot because of his license plate and then accidentally making a move on Estelle; Johnson Rod; The Knuckle; Kramer with the large assed woman; Frank flipping out about Kramer stealing his move; George getting caught with the sex move notes on his hand; The fact that George can bang attractive women in his children's bed and war chest of shit sex moves is very impressive; Frank looking for "your friend Kramer" throughout the apartment and demonstrating stopping short is a tour de force; The Bro/Mansiere argument is amazing too; Frank falling on the Fusilli Jerry is about as amazing a payoff to a random gag as we have ever seen; Dr. Cooperman being the Assman may be the second greatest; Frank explaining his episode to Estelle is tremendous, "It was a Fusilli Jerry"
What Didn't Work
Weird to have Jerry suddenly care about who Elaine dates; Jerry suddenly being a zen sex master just weeks after refusing a threesome is an odd character turn; Not sure why Nancy is offended that George wrote down the notes on his hand, she should be impressed he worked so hard to pleasure her
Key Character Debuts
- David Puddy
- Dr. Cooperman
Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes
- "I don't know what it is, but I just can't see you with a mechanic." - Jerry "Oh, yeah. Right, right. Well, all those mechanics do is work all day with their hands and their big, muscular arms on machines, and then they come home dripping with animal sexuality like Stanley Kowalski. What a huge turn-off that is." - Elaine
- "Well, I'm out there, George." - Estelle "No, you're not out there." - George "I am, too!" - Estelle "You're not out there! You can't be, because I am out there. And if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!" - George
- "He worked on this kid from Guatemala with no nose. Turned him into Ricardo Montalban." - Kramer
- "Assman? Oh, no, these don't belong to me. I'm not the Assman. I think there's been a mistake." - Kramer "What's your name again?" - Clerk "Cosmo Kramer." - Kramer "Cosmo Kramer. You are the Assman." - Clerk "No! I'm not the Assman." - Kramer "Well, as far as the state of New York is concerned, you are." - Clerk
- "Oh, it wasn't like that! I didn't even mention you. You know, we were in the garage. You know how garages are. They're conducive to sex talk. It's a high-testosterone area." - Jerry "Because of all the pistons and the lube jobs?" - Elaine
- "Oh, yeah. The pinch. I've done the pinch. That's not new. Besides which, I don't know how you could trust any of his moves now. His whole repertoire could be lifted." - Jerry "You know, it's strange, because he's such an honest mechanic." - Elaine "I know, he's probably the only honest mechanic in New York." - Jerry
- "How tall is she?" - Jerry "Five-foot four. Why?" - George "You can't have more than a one-foot differential in your heights. Otherwise, you could really hurt your neck." - Jerry
- "You know, I'm working on one of you, George. I'm using ravioli. See, the hard part is to find a pasta that captures the individual." - Kramer "Oh... Why Fusilli?" - Jerry "Because you're silly." - Kramer
- Yeah. Assman, Jerry. I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!" - Kramer "Who would order a license plate that says "Assman"?" - Jerry "Maybe they're Wilt Chamberlain's." - George "It doesn't have to be someone who gets a lot of women. It could be just some guy with a big ass." - Jerry "Yeah, or it could be a proctologist." - Kramer "Yeah. Proctologist." - Jerry "Come on! No doctor would put that on his car." - George "Have you ever met a proctologist? Well, they usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way: "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one."" - Kramer
- "The Assman" enters pop culture immediately
- "Call me. Thirty-six, twenty-four, forty-six. I think I have what you're looking for." - Note on Kramer's car
- "You must have done *something* wrong. You probably screwed up the order. Did you close with the swirl?" - Jerry "Supposed to close with the swirl?" - George "Oh my god. Yes, you close with the swirl. There's a progression there. I told you to write it down." - Jerry "Yeah, yeah, should've written it down." - George
- "I mean, this move is no good, Jerry. It's just taking up a lot of my time. And I...will not stand by and allow him to perform this move on me, when a perfectly good move is just sitting in the barn doing nothing!" - Elaine "Let me ask you a question. This new move. Is there a knuckle involved in any way?" - George "Yes. As a matter of fact, there is." - Elaine "I think that's mine." - George "I'm not surprised." - Elaine
- "You're not the only one improving yourself. I worked out with a dumbbell yesterday. I feel vigorous." - Frank
- "Getting an eye job like some Manhattanite?" - Frank "Well, it's already working. Kramer made a pass at me." - Estelle "Kramer made a pass at you? You're crazy." - Frank "I'm not crazy. He stopped short and made a grab." - Estelle "He stopped short? That's my move. I'm gonna kill him!" - Frank
- "You think I don't know, Assman?!! To think I almost split the profits on the Mansiere with you." - Frank "Bro." - Kramer "Mansiere!" - Frank "Bro!" - Kramer "Mansiere!" - Frank
- "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it." - Jerry "Me either." - Elaine "They say this guy's the best." - George "He had to use cork-screw pasta." - Jerry
Oddities & Fun Facts
- The Bro vs. The Mansiere argument is a callback to The Doorman (S6, E18)
Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)
This is one of my all time favorites for many reasons. I had discovered Seinfeld before this point, but this was the the first episode ever recorded to VHS. I would end up amassing eight tapes stuffed with classic episodes, but this one kicked it all off. Meaning, this is the episode I have probably seen the most times. And it still cracks me up the whole way through. It was brilliantly written with everything tying together beautifully across the board. Everything that happened led to something else down the line. The Fusilli Jerry seemed like a throwaway gag but it ends up becoming the lynchpin of the episode in a way you never would have imagined. It also has a classic pop culture moment with Assman, which is still mentioned in accordance with the show to this day. Even the sex move stuff was so perfectly Seinfeld in that it lived in reality, edged toward absurd and toed the line of network TV decency all in one swoop. I think you could argue that it is a step below perfect in some ways, and my main issue is that we just now learn Jerry has this move in his back pocket, but when you factor in the intangibles and memorability of this episode, it gets a perfect grade from me. Final Grade: 10/10
Best Character
Throughout the whole episode I was debating this between George and Kramer. Both were superb, especially Kramer slowly morphing into The Assman. Then Frank Costanza showed up and it was ball game. From his dumbbell workout, to his foreplay move, to his power walk into Jerry's apartment and demonstration, to his stubborn refusal to give up on the Manssiere nickname, he was a force of nature. Cap that off with his uncomfortable demise that was stamped with his deadpan explanation to his estranged wife and you have a lights out winner.
Best Storyline
As much as I want to go with the sex stealing stuff, the fact that Jerry suddenly is some lothario with an amazing sex move took me just a bit out of it. The Assman is where it is at. Even the DMV clerk was tremendous when she delivers the plate and confirms with Kramer that she is correct. It was all gravy from there, ending with the top notch tie in and pay off with the proctologist.
Ethical Dilemma of the Week
Can you really steal a sex move? It wasn't patented. Jerry doesn't perform it on stage. He told Puddy all his secrets, you have to assume that if something that impressive is revealed that it may be cribbed and used elsewhere. Lock down you property, Jerome, or just let Puddy practice his swirl on Elaine all night long.
Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)
Nancy is a bitch. She pouts when George doesn't please her in the bed, so he works hard, learns some new tricks and takes notes to ensure he can perform it accurately. She loves it but then gets mad that he jotted it down. Who the fuck does she think she is? Move on, Georgie Boy, she ain't worth the counter clockwise swirl. Relationship Grade: 0/10
What Worked:
George commenting that Monk's sells lobster was funny and I loved his instant anger at anything Estelle says; The Guatemalan Ricardo Montalban kid; ASSMAN!; Puddy's post sex breathing is a thing of beauty; The fact that Jerry has a killer sex move may finally explain how he lands all these bombshells; The Pinch vs. The Swirl; Nancy Klopper is an odd name; Kramer proudly walking in with the Fusilli Jerry was tremendous, as was him working on a Ravioli George; The whole Assman convo in the apartment; Puddy's delivery is amazing right away and his argument with Jerry is really fun, especially with Jerry offering to allow him to do the move out of town only; George butchering The Move; 36-24-46; Kramer parking in the doctor's only spot because of his license plate and then accidentally making a move on Estelle; Johnson Rod; The Knuckle; Kramer with the large assed woman; Frank flipping out about Kramer stealing his move; George getting caught with the sex move notes on his hand; The fact that George can bang attractive women in his children's bed and war chest of shit sex moves is very impressive; Frank looking for "your friend Kramer" throughout the apartment and demonstrating stopping short is a tour de force; The Bro/Mansiere argument is amazing too; Frank falling on the Fusilli Jerry is about as amazing a payoff to a random gag as we have ever seen; Dr. Cooperman being the Assman may be the second greatest; Frank explaining his episode to Estelle is tremendous, "It was a Fusilli Jerry"
What Didn't Work
Weird to have Jerry suddenly care about who Elaine dates; Jerry suddenly being a zen sex master just weeks after refusing a threesome is an odd character turn; Not sure why Nancy is offended that George wrote down the notes on his hand, she should be impressed he worked so hard to pleasure her
Key Character Debuts
- David Puddy
- Dr. Cooperman
Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes
- "I don't know what it is, but I just can't see you with a mechanic." - Jerry "Oh, yeah. Right, right. Well, all those mechanics do is work all day with their hands and their big, muscular arms on machines, and then they come home dripping with animal sexuality like Stanley Kowalski. What a huge turn-off that is." - Elaine
- "Well, I'm out there, George." - Estelle "No, you're not out there." - George "I am, too!" - Estelle "You're not out there! You can't be, because I am out there. And if I see you out there, there's not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!" - George
- "He worked on this kid from Guatemala with no nose. Turned him into Ricardo Montalban." - Kramer
- "Assman? Oh, no, these don't belong to me. I'm not the Assman. I think there's been a mistake." - Kramer "What's your name again?" - Clerk "Cosmo Kramer." - Kramer "Cosmo Kramer. You are the Assman." - Clerk "No! I'm not the Assman." - Kramer "Well, as far as the state of New York is concerned, you are." - Clerk
- "Oh, it wasn't like that! I didn't even mention you. You know, we were in the garage. You know how garages are. They're conducive to sex talk. It's a high-testosterone area." - Jerry "Because of all the pistons and the lube jobs?" - Elaine
- "Oh, yeah. The pinch. I've done the pinch. That's not new. Besides which, I don't know how you could trust any of his moves now. His whole repertoire could be lifted." - Jerry "You know, it's strange, because he's such an honest mechanic." - Elaine "I know, he's probably the only honest mechanic in New York." - Jerry
- "How tall is she?" - Jerry "Five-foot four. Why?" - George "You can't have more than a one-foot differential in your heights. Otherwise, you could really hurt your neck." - Jerry
- "You know, I'm working on one of you, George. I'm using ravioli. See, the hard part is to find a pasta that captures the individual." - Kramer "Oh... Why Fusilli?" - Jerry "Because you're silly." - Kramer
- Yeah. Assman, Jerry. I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!" - Kramer "Who would order a license plate that says "Assman"?" - Jerry "Maybe they're Wilt Chamberlain's." - George "It doesn't have to be someone who gets a lot of women. It could be just some guy with a big ass." - Jerry "Yeah, or it could be a proctologist." - Kramer "Yeah. Proctologist." - Jerry "Come on! No doctor would put that on his car." - George "Have you ever met a proctologist? Well, they usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way: "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one."" - Kramer
- "The Assman" enters pop culture immediately
- "Call me. Thirty-six, twenty-four, forty-six. I think I have what you're looking for." - Note on Kramer's car
- "You must have done *something* wrong. You probably screwed up the order. Did you close with the swirl?" - Jerry "Supposed to close with the swirl?" - George "Oh my god. Yes, you close with the swirl. There's a progression there. I told you to write it down." - Jerry "Yeah, yeah, should've written it down." - George
- "I mean, this move is no good, Jerry. It's just taking up a lot of my time. And I...will not stand by and allow him to perform this move on me, when a perfectly good move is just sitting in the barn doing nothing!" - Elaine "Let me ask you a question. This new move. Is there a knuckle involved in any way?" - George "Yes. As a matter of fact, there is." - Elaine "I think that's mine." - George "I'm not surprised." - Elaine
- "You're not the only one improving yourself. I worked out with a dumbbell yesterday. I feel vigorous." - Frank
- "Getting an eye job like some Manhattanite?" - Frank "Well, it's already working. Kramer made a pass at me." - Estelle "Kramer made a pass at you? You're crazy." - Frank "I'm not crazy. He stopped short and made a grab." - Estelle "He stopped short? That's my move. I'm gonna kill him!" - Frank
- "You think I don't know, Assman?!! To think I almost split the profits on the Mansiere with you." - Frank "Bro." - Kramer "Mansiere!" - Frank "Bro!" - Kramer "Mansiere!" - Frank
- "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it." - Jerry "Me either." - Elaine "They say this guy's the best." - George "He had to use cork-screw pasta." - Jerry
Oddities & Fun Facts
- The Bro vs. The Mansiere argument is a callback to The Doorman (S6, E18)
Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)
This is one of my all time favorites for many reasons. I had discovered Seinfeld before this point, but this was the the first episode ever recorded to VHS. I would end up amassing eight tapes stuffed with classic episodes, but this one kicked it all off. Meaning, this is the episode I have probably seen the most times. And it still cracks me up the whole way through. It was brilliantly written with everything tying together beautifully across the board. Everything that happened led to something else down the line. The Fusilli Jerry seemed like a throwaway gag but it ends up becoming the lynchpin of the episode in a way you never would have imagined. It also has a classic pop culture moment with Assman, which is still mentioned in accordance with the show to this day. Even the sex move stuff was so perfectly Seinfeld in that it lived in reality, edged toward absurd and toed the line of network TV decency all in one swoop. I think you could argue that it is a step below perfect in some ways, and my main issue is that we just now learn Jerry has this move in his back pocket, but when you factor in the intangibles and memorability of this episode, it gets a perfect grade from me. Final Grade: 10/10
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