Seinfeld: The Series Rewatch - "The Glasses" (S5, E2)

JT's comments below originally ran as part of Place to Be Nation's "Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch" project.

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Best Character

Shit, everyone was great here. I am going super cheap and picking a three way tie. Jerry had some tremendous lines throughout, especially his digs at George's glasses and his exasperation over the onions and dimes. George was great too, causing all sorts of havoc for Jerry and being the butt of all the best digs. And, the K-Man came through as always, nailing some of my favorite lines in the show's history and killing when he rustles up Dwayne over his sugar addiction. Great stuff all around.
Aaron: As much as I wanted it to be George for pointing out dimes, raccoons and eating onions, I have to once again bow to the power of the K-Man. He has the single funniest line in the whole episode with "May I have one of those Madam?" and his rant at Dwayne where he name drops Dinky Doughnuts and Joe's fruit stand is amazing. Every time he enters he's great, especially when he goes from gleefully singing about papayas to trying to save the air conditioner.

Best Storyline

The glasses, easily. Between George walking around in goggles and women's eyewear and Kramer and Jerry zinging him left and right, there is no contest. Add in the sugar shakedown and we got a winner.

Ethical Dilemma of the Week

Dwayne should have just done a straight exchange of the Vanderbilt glasses for George and not forced him to take the blind man's pinchers. He knowingly sold George the women's frames, now scarf done that candy bar and make things right like a good small business owner should!

Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)

Jerry seemed to have a good thing going with Amy here. She even instantly forgives him for his weird ass prying early on and grants him another date. Plus, she is always warm...which means she is likely to strip down to cool off. As a former blind man that specialized in squinting, George should never have been trusted in this situation. Relationship Grade: Leopard/10

What Worked

When George shows up in those damned goggles and Kramer says "Rock On" and Jerry makes the tunneling comment, it set the stage for greatness to come; Anytime we get to know a Kramer friend, it is a good thing; Jerry ignoring the pained Elaine and tossing the tissue at her dismissively was great; I adore the scene where George tries to name drop Kramer, so awkward and great; "No shot, dog bite!"; George eating the onion always makes me laugh out loud and Jerry's line about eating onions and spotting dimes is one of my favorites; "Right this way, Mr. Doody" gets me every time too; Kramer harassing Dwayne is so tremendous and it is followed by Jerry's killer "Elton" and canasta lines; Kramer just tossing the AC unit in the window is the best; Also, Kramer's "Madame" line is so great, especially as it leads right into the Gloria Vanderbilt collection discovery; Elaine's rabies explosion would have been over the top if executed by anyone except her and the doctor's deadpan "yes, very much" about the impending pain of the shot was well done; The AC slamming into the dog was a great payoff; Dwayne munching on a candy bar at the end of the episode was a nice touch; Uncle Leo's pride of Jeffrey never fails to please; The reveal of the cop and the horse was a nice wrap on that story too, especially with the "Jeffrey looks like a horse" comment from earlier

What Didn't Work

How was the dog owner not tracked and brought into some sort of custody, they all seemed pretty lax about it; Jerry is at his most annoying when he is trying to uncover some sort of scam or scheme before finally snapping, just come out and ask it in a normal way Jerome; If it is so hot why is Jerry dressed like it is winter; Jerry trying not to laugh while nailing the awesome onions and dimes line almost killed it

Key Character Debuts

- Dwayne, the glasses salesman

Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes

- "Is it a good one?" - Jerry "Good one? It's the Commando 8." - Kramer "Commando 8?" - Jerry "12.000 BTUs." - Kramer
- "I gotta get out of this city." - George "So you're tunneling to the center of the Earth?" - Jerry
- "I broke 'em playing basketball." - George "He was running from a bee." - Jerry
- "We're behind you, Aquaboy. Godspeed!" - Jerry
- "Retail is for suckers!" - Kramer
- "Kramer..." - George "What about him?" - Dwayne "You do know Kramer?" - George "Yes..." - Dwayne "Well, I'm mentioning his name." - George
- "Are you kidding? I've seen 'em squint. He can squint his way down to like twenty, thirty vision. Once we were driving down from the Catskills and he lost his glasses. He squinted his way from Wortsborough down to the Tappan Zee Bridge! He was spotting raccoons, on the road!" - Jerry
- "There's nothing to tell." - Amy "There isn't?" - Jerry "No." - Amy "Oh... all right... wanna get some pizza?" - Jerry
- "I was squinting! Remember that drive from Wortsborough? I was spotting those raccoons." - George "They were mailboxes, you idiot. I didn't have the heart to tell you." - Jerry
- "Snowball? You were afraid of Snowball?" - Jerry "I'm afraid of dogs now." - George "He's like a squirrel." - Jerry "He frightened me!" - Elaine
- "Now I don't believe this. That guy owes me big time. I got him off sugar!" - Kramer
- "Little Snowball? He runs on batteries!" - Kramer
- "He couldn't tell an apple from an onion and he's your eye witness?" - Elaine "I saw them making out, you can believe it." - George "I don't know what to believe! You're eating onions, you're spotting dimes, I don't know what the hell is going on." - Jerry
- "I'm gonna surprise Amy. All I gotta do is bring her with me. And then when Jeffrey opens the door, it's Howdy Doody time." - Jerry "Right this way, mister Doody!" - Kramer
- "Six months ago you were eating four of those for breakfast and chasing it with a ring ding. And two butter fingers on the train. Sounds familiar?" - Kramer "Put that away!" - Dwayne "Remember that night I found you at Dinky Donuts? You were all hopped up on cinnamon swirls! They wouldn't serve you anymore! You wouldn't even have any teeth if it wasn't for me taking you over to Joe's fruit stand and stuff a cantaloupe down your throat! So much for gratitude... yeah, yeah, yeah!" - Kramer "All right, all right, all right! I'll give him the discount, just put that thing away! This squares us." - Dwayne
- "I don't know what to tell you, Elton." - Jerry
- "They're ladies' glasses! All you need is that little chain around your neck so you can wear 'em while you're playing Canasta." - Jerry
- "12.000 BTU's of raw cooling power!" - Kramer
- "I've got such a headache. Oh, that's another symptom!" - Elaine "Of what?" - Kramer "Rabies." - Jerry "Oh that's fatal, you don't want that!" - Kramer
- "May I have one of those, madam?" - Kramer "Madame? What are you calling me madam for?" - George "They're ladies' glasses...Now look here, see it's right here: Gloria Vanderbilt Collection." - Kramer
- "Well, I'm very mysterious by nature...A lot of women find that attractive." - Jerry "I find it annoying." - Amy
- "I'm supposed to tape this nature show for him, he loves nature. Botany, zoology. You know his botany teacher from college stays in close touch with him? They became friends!" - Uncle Leo "Oh really?" - Jerry "That's pretty rare! I mean, actual friends! Like equals! They have dinner together, they have discussings..." - Uncle Leo
- "You know Jeffrey's favorite animal: the leopard." - Uncle Leo "Why is that?" - Amy "He likes the spots." - Uncle Leo

Oddities & Fun Facts

- Kramer has a friend named Dwayne that sells glasses
- Actor Tim Stack portrays Dwayne
- Kramer references Joe's Fruit Stand and Dinky Donuts

Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)

This has always been one of my favorite episodes. The one liners beating on George's eyewear are fantastic and I never get enough of Kramer beating Dwayne into submission over the discount. I love the air conditioner stuff too, with Kramer just plopping it in the window and walking away. Everything moved seamlessly and I liked the way everything paid off at the end too. Even the rabies stuff could have come off hokey, but Elaine made it work, natch. The f'n Gloria Vanderbilt Collection! Final Grade: 8/10

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