Seinfeld: The Series Rewatch - "The Kiss Hello" (S6, E17)

JT's comments below originally ran as part of Place to Be Nation's "Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch" project.

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Best Character

This was pretty good around and little bit parts like Morty and Julio were sharp as well but I thought Jerry had the best overall showing. He had great lines and a lot of ups and downs as he dodged kisses left and right before finally ending up as an outcast in his own home.

Best Storyline

I will go with Jerry's anti-kissing campaign since it includes both the Wendy stuff and the issues with his fellow tenants. I did come close to going with the race track debt just because Morty was so awesome as he calculated all of the interest and potential losses.

Ethical Dilemma of the Week

If your friend has a really embarrassing haircut, should you tell them so? Yes. Always. They need to know how bafflingly stupid they look. I get this is easier for guys, but Wendy looked terrible and Elaine or that stupid receptionist should have said something sooner.

Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)

Kramer finally shows his affection for Jerry with some hot PDA action. George catches them in the act and not surprisingly bottles up his feelings. Those feelings will spill over someday, Georgie Boy. Best to express them now. Hello, indeed. Relationship Grade: PDA/10

What Worked:

Poor Nana waiting on Jerry to have a pointless lunch with George before she can eat her ketchup; I love the first kiss hello from Wendy after Jerry tees it all up for George; Jerry comparing Wendy's haircut to a picture in an old high school yearbook was great, as is the Kramer plan; I love how Nana called up Uncle Leo after Jerry no showed and him demanding Jerry kiss her hello was a funny touch; Leo's nervous laugh tipping off Jerry about the $50; Kramer's awful cover with the will, Jerry's "you're robbing me" and Elaine flirting with Kramer to get him back over in a row; Morty immediately compounding the interest on the $50; Jerry dodging Wendy's kiss hello with the refrigerator door and his proposal for a fondle hello; Kramer taking Jerry's awful picture; Kramer loving Wendy's hair and then botching the picture; George is so damn on point about the bullshit cancellation policy and I love when he shoves it back in the receptionist's face, including the click noise; The photo wall being Jerry's nightmare; Leo locking Nana in a home to shut her up over $50; Jerry's rant on family and Kramer kissing him is epic; Morty kills it all during this one; Julio nails his big line as well; I love the payoff at the end with George's great hearing after Jerry mentioned it earlier and then Elaine burying the dagger with the hair; Jeff hamming it up with his "great idea" line, looking right at Jerry

What Didn't Work

The debate over squeeze ketchup always bothered me, as the squeeze bottle was released in 1983 by Heinz, have they never seen one?; Wendy's hair...woof; Why is Wendy so obsessed with kissing Jerry hello to the point that she would stalk him at the door; What the hell is a chiropodist; I hate that damn receptionist; Joan sucks too; Wendy is a bitch with dumb hair

Key Character Debuts
N/A

Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes

- "Boy, I wish the flamenco was popular here." - George "Yeah? Would you do it?" - Jerry "Yes, I think I would." - George Well, I knew you'd have an affinity for it, because it's the dance of a very proud people." - Jerry
- "I love these people, you can't ask 'em questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius. Unless it's in the confines of an office. When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!" - George
- "She looks like something out of an old high school yearbook." - Jerry
- "Well, I'm making out my will. Oh, I got a big slice of dough for you, buddy. And you too, Elaine, I haven't forgotten you." - Kramer
- "Oh, come on, Jerry. If everybody knew everybody, we wouldn't have the problems we have in the world today. Well, you don't rob somebody, if you know their name!" - Kramer "You're robbing me." - Jerry
- "Six hundred and sixty-three dollars and forty-five cents. And that's figuring conservatively at five percent interest, over fifty-three years, compounded quarterly. Or, if you put it into a ten-year T-bill." - Morty
- "It's the obligation, you know? As soon as this person comes in, you know you have to do this. I mean, if you could, say, touch a breast as part of the kiss hello, then I think I could see the value in it a little better." - Jerry "How 'bout an intercourse hello? How would that be?" - Elaine "Elaine, now you're being ridiculous." - Jerry
- "For putting my picture up on that wall! I'm like Richard Dawson down there now. And every person I see engages me in this long, boring, tedious, conversation. I can't even get out of the building!" - Jerry "You should be thanking me for liberating you from your world of loneliness and isolation. Now, you're part of a family." - Kramer "Family?" - Jerry "Yeah." - Kramer You think I want another family? My father's demanding my uncle pay interest on fifty dollars he was supposed to give my mother in nineteen-forty-one, and my uncle put my nana in a home to try and shut her up! And I tell you another thing, Cosmo Kramer, whatever you wanna be called. The kissing thing is over. There's no more kissing, and I don't care what the consequences are." - Jerry
- "I tell you. If you were hitch-hiking, you'd never get into a car with someone with a hairdo like that." - Jerry
- "Well, I think it is! It's a big building, Seinfeld, maybe I'll get to it someday. After I take care of the people who're civil to each other." - Julio

Oddities & Fun Facts

- Wendy is portrayed by actress Wendie Malick, who would star on Just Shoot Me soon after

Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)

This one has aged quite well. It sped along and hit no resistance along the way. Even the little bit parts and scenes connected and the main storylines were a perfect blend of inanity and realism. I could relate to each of these scenarios but they unfolded in the usual madness of the Seinfeld universe. And I like to think Morty is still sitting at that table banging away at that calculator, marking down every last cent that Leo's cheapness has cost him. That crook! Also, George's issues with the cancellation policy were a home run for me. That shit wasn't even posted! I wouldn't pay her shit. Hello, again, hello! Final Grade: 8/10

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