JT's comments below originally ran as part of Place to Be Nation's "Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch" project.
Best Character
I will go with Jerry. I enjoyed him being in this bizarre soap opera type storyline between Valerie and her stepmother and the payoff with Valerie being unable to call poison control was really well done. I also want to give props to Newman as he was on fire during his two scenes. That first one with Kramer may be one of his greatest scenes ever.
Best Storyline
I think all of the stories had ups and downs this week but I liked Kramer's party planning the most. Seeing him fret the details of a party three years away was really inspired and having Newman battling him over it was well orchestrated. I also thought Kramer's Arthur's Theme zinger was an all time classic, paying off Newman's booking of Christopher Cross brilliantly.
Ethical Dilemma of the Week
Should you be so obsessive with speed dial rankings that you would take chances on not having poison control just one touch away? Yes. Who ever gets poisoned these days?
Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)
JT: Valerie was quite the mynx and a whole lot of work for Jerome. Her stepmom was way out of his league and probably makes Val a nonstarter, but I give him credit for trying to make it work. Relationship Grade: #1/10
What Worked:
Elaine pushing the pull door made me chuckle; Kramer storing party props years in advance is pretty funny; The Marcelino callback made me chuckle; Elaine assuming George was nervous about something he ate; "Everyday balloons"; The Mets being interested in George Costanza as a lead scout says it all about that franchise; Valerie stack ranking friends via speed dial is a good idea; I like how everyone keeps using the folding chairs when they come into Jerry's; The barometer/thermometer bit is one of my all time favorites; Kramer's constant "In the year 2000..." questions were well done; George always failing up with the Yankees never gets old; Newman's slow mail comment is so good as is him booking Yacht Rock legend Christopher Cross and calling Kramer "longshanks"; Jerry's motivational speech to George about sucking; "Gladys Mayo"; Valerie's stepmom going all Mrs. Robinson was quite the twist; "HE Pennypacker"; Kramer housing the free chips and salsa and then making a fucking scene while pricing the clothes; Wilhelm taking the fall and the Mets gig from George was a nice payoff; Kramer slays it with the Arthur's Theme joke
What Didn't Work
The Putumayo store owner really was a dipshit; The constant checking of messages in this show must be a real culture shock to anyone that grew up in the cell phone era; I have always and will always despise Jerry's logic riddle for Newman's party being a year late... IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, STOP TORTURING ME
Key Character Debuts
- Valerie
Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes
- "You know, it's a pain to change that. You gotta lift up that plastic thing with a pen." - George
- "No, Jerry. New Year's Eve nineteen ninety-nine. The millennium. I told you about that." - Kramer "Kramer, you're gonna leave these chairs here for two and a half years?!" - Jerry "You're not gonna see 'em. I got a case of party poppers I'm gonna keep in front of 'em." - Kramer
- "Alright, I have had it with those Mayans." - Elaine "I don't mind the Mayans." - Jerry
- "Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled till New Year's!" - Jerry "Well, those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday balloons." - Kramer
- "Lemme just check my messages. Maybe a nicer girl called." - Jerry
- "You think people will still be using napkins in the year two-thousand? Or is this mouth-vacuum thing for real?" - Kramer
- "Yeah, this speed-dial's like a relationship barometer." - Jerry "What is a barometer exactly?" - George "It's pronounced thermometer." - Kramer
- "Oh my God! Number one!! Seinfeld, you magnificent bastard!" - Jerry
- "So Jerry, my millennium party's really coming together. Will people be able to breathe underwater in the year two-thousand?" - Kramer "Some of us." - Jerry
- "Come celebrate the millennium, with Newmanniun. Newman!" - Kramer
- "We wanna look to the future, we gotta tear down the past. Babe Ruth was nothing more than a fat old man, with little-girl legs. And here's something I just found out recently. He wasn't really a sultan. Ah, what d'you make of that? Hey, check this out. Lou Gehrig's pants. Not a bad fit. Hey, you don't think that nerve disease of his was contagious, do you? Uh, I better take 'em off. I'm too important to this team. Big Stein can't be flopping and twitching." - Steinbrenner
- "Well, I just got your invitation to the Newmanniun party." - Kramer "You just got it? Damn, the mail is slow." - Newman
- "Think again, longshanks! I started planning this in nineteen seventy-eight. I put a deposit down on that revolving restaurant that overlooks Times Square, and I booked Christopher Cross." - Newman "Well, what am I gonna do? I got over two hundred folding chairs, and quite a bit of ice." - Kramer "What kind?" - Newman "Cubed." - Kramer "That's good stuff, and you can never have too much ice. Alright, I'll tell you what I'll do. You can co-host the party with me, under one condition. No Jerry. Jerry is not invited." - Newman "I gotta invite Jerry. He's my buddy." - Kramer "That he may be. But he's outta my life, starting in the year two-thousand. For me, the next millennium must be, Jerry-free!" - Newman
- "Hi, I'm H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy American industrialist uh, looking to open a silver mine in the mountains of Peru and uh, before I invest millions in a lucrative mine, I, I'd like to go a little native. Uh, Get the feel of their condiments, of their unmentionables, you know, the real uh, gritty-gritty." - Kramer
- "You have screwed me again, Pennypacker!" - Elaine
- "What're you talking about, Wilhelm. You popping pills? You got the crazies again?" - Steinbrenner
- "Well, maybe so, but come midnight, when she's looking for someone warm and cuddly to kiss, I guess you'll be caught between the moon and New York City." - Kramer
Oddities & Fun Facts
- Gilmore Girls star Lauren Graham plays the role of Valerie
Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)
I am really torn on this one. It has gaps galore and felt like four half baked ideas leftover and just jammed into a late season episode, so it fall feels... unfinished. But... there are also so many great one liners and conversations that the episode is still worth watching for sure. I laughed quite a bit in fact. It also moved along quickly with a good brisk pace. I thought Newman was amazing in his two scenes and Jerry was on point throughout, oscillating between being a naive goof trapped between two women playing games way beyond his mental capacity and his usual sardonic self with Kramer and Newman. Also, I have mentioned it twice but that hidden Arthur's Theme joke was a classic. They did tie everything in well at the end, it just feels like each story was missing that middle act. There is enough here to buoy the grade but this had the potential to be a classic if they could have been a bit tighter overall. Final Grade: 7/10
Best Character
I will go with Jerry. I enjoyed him being in this bizarre soap opera type storyline between Valerie and her stepmother and the payoff with Valerie being unable to call poison control was really well done. I also want to give props to Newman as he was on fire during his two scenes. That first one with Kramer may be one of his greatest scenes ever.
Best Storyline
I think all of the stories had ups and downs this week but I liked Kramer's party planning the most. Seeing him fret the details of a party three years away was really inspired and having Newman battling him over it was well orchestrated. I also thought Kramer's Arthur's Theme zinger was an all time classic, paying off Newman's booking of Christopher Cross brilliantly.
Ethical Dilemma of the Week
Should you be so obsessive with speed dial rankings that you would take chances on not having poison control just one touch away? Yes. Who ever gets poisoned these days?
Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)
JT: Valerie was quite the mynx and a whole lot of work for Jerome. Her stepmom was way out of his league and probably makes Val a nonstarter, but I give him credit for trying to make it work. Relationship Grade: #1/10
What Worked:
Elaine pushing the pull door made me chuckle; Kramer storing party props years in advance is pretty funny; The Marcelino callback made me chuckle; Elaine assuming George was nervous about something he ate; "Everyday balloons"; The Mets being interested in George Costanza as a lead scout says it all about that franchise; Valerie stack ranking friends via speed dial is a good idea; I like how everyone keeps using the folding chairs when they come into Jerry's; The barometer/thermometer bit is one of my all time favorites; Kramer's constant "In the year 2000..." questions were well done; George always failing up with the Yankees never gets old; Newman's slow mail comment is so good as is him booking Yacht Rock legend Christopher Cross and calling Kramer "longshanks"; Jerry's motivational speech to George about sucking; "Gladys Mayo"; Valerie's stepmom going all Mrs. Robinson was quite the twist; "HE Pennypacker"; Kramer housing the free chips and salsa and then making a fucking scene while pricing the clothes; Wilhelm taking the fall and the Mets gig from George was a nice payoff; Kramer slays it with the Arthur's Theme joke
What Didn't Work
The Putumayo store owner really was a dipshit; The constant checking of messages in this show must be a real culture shock to anyone that grew up in the cell phone era; I have always and will always despise Jerry's logic riddle for Newman's party being a year late... IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, STOP TORTURING ME
Key Character Debuts
- Valerie
Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes
- "You know, it's a pain to change that. You gotta lift up that plastic thing with a pen." - George
- "No, Jerry. New Year's Eve nineteen ninety-nine. The millennium. I told you about that." - Kramer "Kramer, you're gonna leave these chairs here for two and a half years?!" - Jerry "You're not gonna see 'em. I got a case of party poppers I'm gonna keep in front of 'em." - Kramer
- "Alright, I have had it with those Mayans." - Elaine "I don't mind the Mayans." - Jerry
- "Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled till New Year's!" - Jerry "Well, those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday balloons." - Kramer
- "Lemme just check my messages. Maybe a nicer girl called." - Jerry
- "You think people will still be using napkins in the year two-thousand? Or is this mouth-vacuum thing for real?" - Kramer
- "Yeah, this speed-dial's like a relationship barometer." - Jerry "What is a barometer exactly?" - George "It's pronounced thermometer." - Kramer
- "Oh my God! Number one!! Seinfeld, you magnificent bastard!" - Jerry
- "So Jerry, my millennium party's really coming together. Will people be able to breathe underwater in the year two-thousand?" - Kramer "Some of us." - Jerry
- "Come celebrate the millennium, with Newmanniun. Newman!" - Kramer
- "We wanna look to the future, we gotta tear down the past. Babe Ruth was nothing more than a fat old man, with little-girl legs. And here's something I just found out recently. He wasn't really a sultan. Ah, what d'you make of that? Hey, check this out. Lou Gehrig's pants. Not a bad fit. Hey, you don't think that nerve disease of his was contagious, do you? Uh, I better take 'em off. I'm too important to this team. Big Stein can't be flopping and twitching." - Steinbrenner
- "Well, I just got your invitation to the Newmanniun party." - Kramer "You just got it? Damn, the mail is slow." - Newman
- "Think again, longshanks! I started planning this in nineteen seventy-eight. I put a deposit down on that revolving restaurant that overlooks Times Square, and I booked Christopher Cross." - Newman "Well, what am I gonna do? I got over two hundred folding chairs, and quite a bit of ice." - Kramer "What kind?" - Newman "Cubed." - Kramer "That's good stuff, and you can never have too much ice. Alright, I'll tell you what I'll do. You can co-host the party with me, under one condition. No Jerry. Jerry is not invited." - Newman "I gotta invite Jerry. He's my buddy." - Kramer "That he may be. But he's outta my life, starting in the year two-thousand. For me, the next millennium must be, Jerry-free!" - Newman
- "Hi, I'm H.E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy American industrialist uh, looking to open a silver mine in the mountains of Peru and uh, before I invest millions in a lucrative mine, I, I'd like to go a little native. Uh, Get the feel of their condiments, of their unmentionables, you know, the real uh, gritty-gritty." - Kramer
- "You have screwed me again, Pennypacker!" - Elaine
- "What're you talking about, Wilhelm. You popping pills? You got the crazies again?" - Steinbrenner
- "Well, maybe so, but come midnight, when she's looking for someone warm and cuddly to kiss, I guess you'll be caught between the moon and New York City." - Kramer
Oddities & Fun Facts
- Gilmore Girls star Lauren Graham plays the role of Valerie
Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)
I am really torn on this one. It has gaps galore and felt like four half baked ideas leftover and just jammed into a late season episode, so it fall feels... unfinished. But... there are also so many great one liners and conversations that the episode is still worth watching for sure. I laughed quite a bit in fact. It also moved along quickly with a good brisk pace. I thought Newman was amazing in his two scenes and Jerry was on point throughout, oscillating between being a naive goof trapped between two women playing games way beyond his mental capacity and his usual sardonic self with Kramer and Newman. Also, I have mentioned it twice but that hidden Arthur's Theme joke was a classic. They did tie everything in well at the end, it just feels like each story was missing that middle act. There is enough here to buoy the grade but this had the potential to be a classic if they could have been a bit tighter overall. Final Grade: 7/10
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