Seinfeld: The Series Rewatch - "The Stand-In" (S5, E16)

JT's comments below originally ran as part of Place to Be Nation's "Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch" project.

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Best Character

Oh Mickey! The Mick was a force in his debut. His bragging about standing in for Punky Brewster, his brawl with Kramer, his angry, defensive barking at all his friends, it all was fantastic. Kramer had a strong performance here, as did George, but Mickey was easily the best of the bunch.

Best Storyline

Mickey's height issues had this locked down...until Phil took it out. It was a short piece of the episode, but building up Phil as this great guy only to have him toss his junk on the table in front of an unsuspecting Elaine was perfect writing. Elaine and Jerry's conversation was top notch and I love how Kramer knew what she meant right away.

Ethical Dilemma of the Week

There were actually quite a few here. What obligation does Jerry have to help save Fulton through laughter? How far does George have to go to prove Al right? Can't he just want to dump the awful Daphne and not have it be about commitment? And when is it OK to whip your penis out if you aren't asked to? A...friend once told me, once you at least are in the process of making out, you are probably OK to give it a go. No?

Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)

Daphne sucks. George should have told her and Al to screw. Relationship Grade: 0/10

What Worked:

Mickey!; Great idea with the soap opera stand in stuff; Kramer's cigarette suggestion was fantastic as was George's "midget" slip up; Poor Jerry's brutal stand up choke job was rough to watch in a fun way; George's relationship gets hosed again by outside forces; The acting in the soap opera is fantastic and "Now, Porter" makes me crack up every time; Kramer's dramatic take on the scene while in standing in, capped by poking Mickey with the pipe, was awesome; The politics of the little people on the soap opera set was really well done; Jerry's "I have my health" line right in front of Fulton is good; "That pimple"; The fight between Kramer and Mickey made me chuckle; Father/Son Picnic ranks pretty high on the excuse list; Phil, that sly dog, taking it out; IT!; OUT!: I love how Kramer immediately knew what Elaine meant with "he took it out"; Phil's breast feeding issues were well done; Mickey smacking Kramer's hand in rock, paper, scissors match is one of my all time favorite moments; Poor Mickey, but his exit rant is a good piece of business; Funny bit at the end to tie all the Pachyderm stuff together

What Didn't Work

Al is a weirdo and an asshole; The way George says "Daphne" annoys me; I want to know the full pachyderm story!; Daphne is really annoying

Key Character Debuts

Mickey Abbott
Fulton
Phil Titolla

Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes

- "I'm bored. She's boring, I'm boring, we're both boring. We got out to eat, we both read newspapers." - George
- "Deeply in love. If you can't say anything bad about a relationship, you shouldn't say anything at all." - George
- "Na no, I'm not good in these situations. I can't hide my pity. I...I make em feel worse." - George "Oh, stop it." - Jerry "Ya and also I'm afraid that people in that state are finally going to tell me what they really think of me. You know they got nothing to lose what do they care?" - George
- "But I got a big problem. The kid I stand in for, he's growing. He was four feet last month, now he's like four-two and a half. He shot up two and a half inches. I can do four-two, four-three is a stretch, any higher than that and I'm gonna be out on my ass doing that paralegal crap." - Mickey
- "How do you stop a kid from growing?" - Jerry "I told you, you should offer him some cigarettes." - Kramer "I offered him cigarettes, but his stupid mother is hanging around. She won't let him have any." - Mickey
- "Oh don't worry, you'll crack. Cracking's inevitable, first you crack then you chuckle. That was the motto with the Russians at the Caesar Leningrad... first you crack then you chuckle. You know because Leningrad when the Nazis attacked, it wasn't a very happy time... because of the war, famine, plus it was cold, very cold... they were eating each other. Maybe this isn't a good time for a visit." - Jerry
- "Ya you look different." - Johnny "You don't, you got the same ugly mug since the day I met ya." - Mickey
- "I'm very good with sick people. They love me. When my friend Len Nicodemo had the gout, I moved into his hospital room for three days, the doctors were amazed at his recovery." - Kramer
- Add Len Nicodemo to the list of Kramer's never seen before friends
- "Oh, he's always been jealous of me. I always get to stand in for the bigger stars; The Cosby Kids, Ricky Schroder, Macaulay Culkin." - Mickey "What's he like huh?" - Kramer "He's a good kid." - Mickey
- "You don't understand. There's an unwritten code about this kind of thing. I could be ostracized. I remember when I was a kid, some guy tried to heighten. He lost his job, lost his friends, Everything. Oh, I knew I was crazy to try this kind of thing, but I was so desperate. What is this kid taking anyway? Hormones? Steroids? Would you tell me!?" - Mickey
- "Well Dad's been planning this for such a long time, he bought a new blanket, and he got tha...that game with foam paddles and the Velcro ball." - George
- "No he's not right. Al Netchie is not right! all right I'm canceling the father-son picnic. I don't know what he's gonna do with all that potato salad." - George
- "He took it out." - Elaine "He what?" - Jerry "He took it out." - Elaine "He took what out?" - Jerry "It." - Elaine "He took It, Out?" - Jerry "Yessiree Bob."- Elaine "He couldn't." - Jerry "He did." - Elaine
- "It." - Jerry "It." - Elaine "Out." - Jerry "Out." - Elaine "Well I, I can't believe this. I know Phil, he, he's a good friend of mine. We play softball together. How could this be?" - Jerry "Oh it be." - Elaine
- "Maybe uh, it needed some air. You know sometimes they need air, they can't breathe in there. It's in human." - Kramer
- "Wow. I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off." - George
- "Wait a second, wait a second, you got me all wrong. It was all because of the kid. The kid was growing. He shot up two and a half inches in a month. I woulda' lost my job. Any one of you would have done the same. You got no right! I'm Mickey Abbott! I stood in for Punky Brewster when all of you was nothing. It's all his fault. It was his idea." - Mickey

Oddities & Fun Facts

N/A

Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)

So, I was about ready to rate this one a tier lower than most this season. The Phil exposed himself and the world changed. The back end of the episode was quite strong, with Phil's brash actions, Mickey's rantings and Jerry killing Fulton. Even during the slower first half, the dialogue was pretty good across the board. It is still one of the weaker offerings of the season, but it doesn't drop off too far thanks to strong delivery and some inane situations. Also, there were a lot of funny random names and people in this episode, and that always makes me laugh. Plus, that damn rock, paper, scissors hand smack from Mickey gets me every time. Final Grade: 6/10

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