Seinfeld: The Series Rewatch - "The Wig Master" (S7, E19)

JT's comments below originally ran as part of Place to Be Nation's "Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch" project.

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Best Character

Kramer is the easy choice here. His thoughts on relationships, sex and discounts were strong and his whole deal with staying over Jerry's apartment, capped by reading the sales ads in bed, was fantastic. And then... I'M NOT A PIMP! That scene. That walk. That strut. That coat. Amazing. Also, shoutouts to Ethan and the Jiffy Park attendant, who both killed it in their guest spots.

Best Storyline

I will go with Kramer. Just all of it. Everything he did with the Jiffy Park, the Mary Kay Caddy, the sleepover, the dreamcoat, the tour, the champagne coolie and of course, the pimp walk.

Ethical Dilemma of the Week

If you have been kind of dating someone for like a week, should you give out their personal information as an emergency contact at work? You are basically employed at a fucking Men's Warehouse. Do they need to reach you at any hour of the day? Get a fucking pager if you need to be on call at the An-Dover shop, asshole.

Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)

JT: Besides Uncle Jesse and Jessie Ventura, all male Jesses shouldn't be trusted. Good on you, Ethan. Stick with Jerome and your coolies, you are too good for Jesse the Assistant. Relationship Grade: 0/10

What Worked:

I like the immediate callback to the crested blazer; Jerry getting mad that Craig asked out Elaine in front of him; Ethan is awesome; I love how George jumps to drive Kramer to the lot to get away from Susan and Ethan; Kramer finding the used condom in George's car; Jerry calling Craig "Greg"; The parking attendant laughing off the condom and lipstick and buying George off with t-shirts is tremendous; Mary Kay car; That noise Kramer makes when he sees the dreamcoat; George playing up how untrustworthy he is to get Susan to end the engagement is so wonderfully grimy; Kramer telling Jerry to go to his room to read and then apparently prepping to sleep with his shoes on; Kramer's amazing monologue to Elaine about sex and discounts followed by his killer "Patio furniture is on sale" line was so good, I don't know how Jerry didn't crack up when he said it; The sales lady matter of factly explaining that spite is not a valid reason to return the jacket; I always loved the catty champagne coolie club scene as they get catty with the people walking by; Charmaine; Jerry flipping out on Jesse for asking out Ethan in front of him; That final sequence of scenes is epic, an all timer

What Didn't Work

Craig is a douchebag loser, get over yourself; What does that whore know about the Yankees? They were coming off a playoff run and were prepping to launch a dynasty! Stick to turning tricks in cars, tramp!; Susan showing up at the car lot seemed really forced, but I guess we are to assume they are parking both cars there? How did she get there?; Fuck Ian and the way Craig says "An-Dover"

Key Character Debuts

Ethan the Wig Master

Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes

- "This friend of Susan's is staying with us for two weeks...Now am I wrong or is that excessive?" - George "Well Bob Sacamano he stayed with me once for a year and a half." - Kramer
- "I didn,t tell you to park in that lot .. Now someone's gonna have to drive you every time you need your car.? Take the bus!" - Jerry "I'm not going to take the bus that's why I got a car!" - Kramer
- "I want to know how did that get into my car?" - George "Hey look ..You walk in to this city you got to expect things are gonna stick to your foot. You open in your car and Bing!! Condom." - Attendant "That doesn't explain the lipstick on the dashboard?" - George "Here take a few shirts..." - Attendant
- "Telling you right now Elaine, this guy 's gonna dangle that dress in front of you like a dirt farmer dangles a carrot in front of a mule." - Jerry "Well this is all very flattering..." - Elaine "Like a shark fisherman with a bucket of chum..." - Jerry "Ok..." - Elaine "Like a shrimp farmer..." - Jerry "OK!" - Elaine
- "Oh why don't you go sleep over at Newman's." - Jerry "Aah! He's got a girl up there." - Kramer
- "What do I mean?.. Well perhaps he thinks that you're working him for the discount. Shaking that little butt of yours into big, big savings... And then when you get it, you know, you drop him like a hot potato." - Kramer "Aawwh Please..." - Elaine "Now see the two of you need to work on trust... and then and only then will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts.. Cornerstones of a healthy relationship....and now if you would excuse us. We need to get to bed." - Kramer
- "Well does it say anywhere in the contract about my car being used as a whorehouse? Cause I don't remember reading that clause either..." - George "What can I tell you buddy. Take it up with Consumer Affairs." - Attendant
- "Well So fine then ..then I don't want it and then that's why I'm returning it" - Jerry "Well you already said spite so..." - Bob "But I changed my mind..." - Jerry "No...you said spite...Too late." - Bob
- "OK Big Daddy. Take the hat off... awright turn to your right... I SAID TURN PIMP!" - Cop "I'M NOT A PIMP!" - Kramer

Oddities & Fun Facts

- Jesse is portrayed by comedian Michael McDonald, best known for his run on MadTV

Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)

A pretty solid episode but the damn standard is so high, it makes it hard on these types of episodes. Kramer was on point the whole time and outside of Craig, I really enjoyed all the guest stars. Ethan, Jiffy Park guy, Bob the Manager, they were all great. Kramer's line about Newman having a girl in his apartment always makes me chuckle and his patio furniture quip straight up makes me laugh out loud. Season seven had a wicked hot streak for a while but has really tapered off of late. We will see if they get back on track down the home stretch. Final Grade: 6/10

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