JT's comments below originally ran as part of Place to Be Nation's "Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch" project.
Best Character
I thought everyone was solid here but there were no real home run hitters. Jerry was really funny but he was also really annoying and could have avoided most of the issues here by telling Holly he was dieting instead of lying like a pussy. I will choose Elaine to take it home as I thought she was the most consistent overall and had some quietly hard hitting zingers. Kramer was a close second thanks to his work with Bobby.
Best Storyline
Cheating here, but I am going with the thread that took us from Jerry stuffing his pockets with chewed meat all the way to George landing Mr. Morgan's job after Big Stein shitcanned him. It was beautiful storytelling that all made sense and was fun watching the dominos all fall down.
Ethical Dilemma of the Week
I feel like a lot of nonsense could have been avoided with a little honesty this week. Jerry should have told Holly he was on a diet, George should have explained the grapefruit wink and what happened with the card, James... he still sucks.
Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)
James is a fucking whacko who belongs to be alone with his dogs forever. What kind of weirdo takes napkins from someone else's jacket pockets and immediately uses them as accessories for his annoying mutts? That is not normal behavior. Holly should force feed him fatty meats until he needs an angioplasty Relationship Grade: 0/10
What Worked:
Elaine flirting with the wake up call guy is perfect Benes storyline; Jerry randomly eating healthy is odd but the grapefruit squirt is tremendous; George inadvertently bagging Morgan with the winking; Jerry's stats on the ugly people always makes me laugh; Pulp can move!; The winking troubles continuing into Kramer giving away Big Stein's birthday card and making Morgan's wife thinking he was hitting up a rub 'n' tug; Elaine's "phew" when James is good looking; Grandma Memma; Morgan's subtle fist pump demonstrating sex is a great hidden gem; The random noises Kramer makes during his gestures never cease to amaze; Jerry feigning interest in the mutton; "Thanks for mutton" is a killer line; The way Jerry being a bitch with the mutton ties into Mr. Morgan getting fired and George getting promoted is flawless; Kramer's meeting with Paul O'Neill is real good thanks to O'Neill's disregard for everything he says; Kramer being able to randomly show up in the Yankee clubhouse is perfect Kramer; Kramer drinking the orange juice will never not be funny; O'Neill getting the triple + error home run was a nice way to cap the nonsense with Bobby and Cosmo; Poor Mr. Morgan, George finishing the burial of his career by trying to help him one less time was a perfect end to the episode
What Didn't Work
Who the hell says "mysteriouso"?; The Archie comparisons are funny but Jerry starting it off felt super forced; Jerry always has to go over the top, you can eat healthy and still have a steak at a nice restaurant; What hospital lets a random dude walk into a kid's room alone?; Jerry is a real pussy in this episode, just eat the fucking lamb!; The overdub of Elaine yelling while being chased by the dogs annoys me as most Seinfeld overdubs do; What kind of psycho steals shit from someone's coat pockets and uses it as dog accessories?; Who makes pork chops in a pants suit?
Key Character Debuts
James
Paul O'Neill
Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes
- "At least I've spoken to my guy. You're going out on a deaf date." - Elaine "I think I'd rather go out on a deaf date than a blind date. The question is whether you'd rather date the blind or the deaf." - Jerry "Ah..." - Elaine "Now you're off on a topic." - George "You know, I think, I would rather date the deaf. Because I think the blind would probably be a little messier around the house. And lets face it they're not going to get all the crumbs. I'd possibly be walking around with a sponge." - Jerry "You see I disagree. I'd rather be dating the blind. You know you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good looking blind woman doesn't even know you're not good enough for her." - George "I think she'd figure it out." - Elaine
- "I'm not worried. It sounds like he's really good looking." - Elaine "You're going by sound? What are we? Whales?" - Jerry
- "Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good looking?" - Jerry "Twenty-five percent." - Elaine "Twenty-five percent, you say? No way! It's like 4 to 6 percent. It's a twenty to one shot." - Jerry "You're way off." - Elaine "Way off? Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony down there." - Jerry "So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of the population is undateable?" - Elaine "UNDATEABLE!" - Jerry "Then how are all these people getting together?" - Elaine "Alcohol." - Jerry
- "You must have squirted a piece of pulp in it too." - George "Pulp couldn't make it across the table." - Jerry "Pulp can move, Baby! Why didn't you eat a real breakfast?" - George "Hey, I eat healthy. If I have to take out an eye, that's the breaks." - Jerry
- "Elaine must have mentioned Grandma Memma." - Holly "No, I think I would have remembered Memma." - Jerry
- "Maybe his dogs heard about how you tried to kidnap that other dog. These muts like to gossip." - Jerry
- "I don't know. But I'm sure it had, . . . parents. Call her up. She won't mind if you come." - Elaine "Oh, don't worry. I'll be there and I'll be packing an artery." - Jerry
- "I was not winking you idiot. That was the grapefruit. It's like acid. I need that card back. It's Mr. Steinbrenner's. I was responsible." - George
- "Um, mutton! Hope you didn't cut the fat off." - Jerry
- "Would he hit two home runs?" - Bobby "Two? Sure kid, yeah. But then you gotta promise you'll do something for me." - Kramer "I know. Get out of this bed one day and walk again." - Bobby "Yeah, that would be nice. But I really just need this card." - Kramer
- "I wish I could take credit for it. It's actually the line my butcher uses when we're chewing the fat." - Jerry
- "It's cold out, and I didn't bring my own. Jerry! God forbid I should borrow one from Holly. It might have belonged to grandma Memma. Thanks for mutton." - Elaine
- "What exactly is mutton?" - George "I don't know and I didn't want to find out." - Jerry
- "Reversed positions?" - Jerry "Yeah, you know, head to toe." - Elaine "So what your genitals are still lined up." - Jerry "No, because I slept with my back to him." - Elaine
- "Well, after you scarfed up my mutton I had the irresistible urge to make pork chops for you. I said hello to Franco for you." - Holly "Franco?" - Jerry "Your butcher, down the street." - Holly "I bet he acted aloof like he didn't know me." - Jerry "A little." - Holly "That is so Franco." - Jerry
- "So, is the chop the way you like it?" - Holly "I usually like mine with an angioplasty." - Jerry
- "You know as painfull as it is I had to let a few people go over the years. Yogi Berra, Lou Pinella, Bucky Dent, Billy Martin, Dallas Green, Dick Houser, Bill Virdon, Billy Martin, Scott Marrow, Billy Martin, Bob Lemmon, Billy Martin, Gene Michael, Buck Showalter... George, you didn't hear that from me." - Steinbrenner
Oddities & Fun Facts
- Buck Showalter actually resigned from the Yankees on October 27, 1995, shortly after this episode aired
Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)
There is a lot to like in this one but there was also many little annoyances that piled up and took this down a notch for me. Most are probably unfair but as we have established, Seinfeld is graded on an unfair curve and that is all we have to work with. Paul O'Neill and Bobby were real funny in their scenes and I dug all of the stories but James and Holly were both super annoying and I thought Jerry was a dope. I know the shows thrives on minutiae and misunderstanding, but these were a bit tough to get on board with because the truth could have been easily explained each time, so the situations felt a bit forced instead of organic, as the great episodes do. I feel bad going this low here, because it has always been a favorite of mine, but for some reason the little things stood out an bothered me more than in the past. Final Grade: 6/10
Best Character
I thought everyone was solid here but there were no real home run hitters. Jerry was really funny but he was also really annoying and could have avoided most of the issues here by telling Holly he was dieting instead of lying like a pussy. I will choose Elaine to take it home as I thought she was the most consistent overall and had some quietly hard hitting zingers. Kramer was a close second thanks to his work with Bobby.
Best Storyline
Cheating here, but I am going with the thread that took us from Jerry stuffing his pockets with chewed meat all the way to George landing Mr. Morgan's job after Big Stein shitcanned him. It was beautiful storytelling that all made sense and was fun watching the dominos all fall down.
Ethical Dilemma of the Week
I feel like a lot of nonsense could have been avoided with a little honesty this week. Jerry should have told Holly he was on a diet, George should have explained the grapefruit wink and what happened with the card, James... he still sucks.
Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)
James is a fucking whacko who belongs to be alone with his dogs forever. What kind of weirdo takes napkins from someone else's jacket pockets and immediately uses them as accessories for his annoying mutts? That is not normal behavior. Holly should force feed him fatty meats until he needs an angioplasty Relationship Grade: 0/10
What Worked:
Elaine flirting with the wake up call guy is perfect Benes storyline; Jerry randomly eating healthy is odd but the grapefruit squirt is tremendous; George inadvertently bagging Morgan with the winking; Jerry's stats on the ugly people always makes me laugh; Pulp can move!; The winking troubles continuing into Kramer giving away Big Stein's birthday card and making Morgan's wife thinking he was hitting up a rub 'n' tug; Elaine's "phew" when James is good looking; Grandma Memma; Morgan's subtle fist pump demonstrating sex is a great hidden gem; The random noises Kramer makes during his gestures never cease to amaze; Jerry feigning interest in the mutton; "Thanks for mutton" is a killer line; The way Jerry being a bitch with the mutton ties into Mr. Morgan getting fired and George getting promoted is flawless; Kramer's meeting with Paul O'Neill is real good thanks to O'Neill's disregard for everything he says; Kramer being able to randomly show up in the Yankee clubhouse is perfect Kramer; Kramer drinking the orange juice will never not be funny; O'Neill getting the triple + error home run was a nice way to cap the nonsense with Bobby and Cosmo; Poor Mr. Morgan, George finishing the burial of his career by trying to help him one less time was a perfect end to the episode
What Didn't Work
Who the hell says "mysteriouso"?; The Archie comparisons are funny but Jerry starting it off felt super forced; Jerry always has to go over the top, you can eat healthy and still have a steak at a nice restaurant; What hospital lets a random dude walk into a kid's room alone?; Jerry is a real pussy in this episode, just eat the fucking lamb!; The overdub of Elaine yelling while being chased by the dogs annoys me as most Seinfeld overdubs do; What kind of psycho steals shit from someone's coat pockets and uses it as dog accessories?; Who makes pork chops in a pants suit?
Key Character Debuts
James
Paul O'Neill
Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes
- "At least I've spoken to my guy. You're going out on a deaf date." - Elaine "I think I'd rather go out on a deaf date than a blind date. The question is whether you'd rather date the blind or the deaf." - Jerry "Ah..." - Elaine "Now you're off on a topic." - George "You know, I think, I would rather date the deaf. Because I think the blind would probably be a little messier around the house. And lets face it they're not going to get all the crumbs. I'd possibly be walking around with a sponge." - Jerry "You see I disagree. I'd rather be dating the blind. You know you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good looking blind woman doesn't even know you're not good enough for her." - George "I think she'd figure it out." - Elaine
- "I'm not worried. It sounds like he's really good looking." - Elaine "You're going by sound? What are we? Whales?" - Jerry
- "Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good looking?" - Jerry "Twenty-five percent." - Elaine "Twenty-five percent, you say? No way! It's like 4 to 6 percent. It's a twenty to one shot." - Jerry "You're way off." - Elaine "Way off? Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony down there." - Jerry "So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of the population is undateable?" - Elaine "UNDATEABLE!" - Jerry "Then how are all these people getting together?" - Elaine "Alcohol." - Jerry
- "You must have squirted a piece of pulp in it too." - George "Pulp couldn't make it across the table." - Jerry "Pulp can move, Baby! Why didn't you eat a real breakfast?" - George "Hey, I eat healthy. If I have to take out an eye, that's the breaks." - Jerry
- "Elaine must have mentioned Grandma Memma." - Holly "No, I think I would have remembered Memma." - Jerry
- "Maybe his dogs heard about how you tried to kidnap that other dog. These muts like to gossip." - Jerry
- "I don't know. But I'm sure it had, . . . parents. Call her up. She won't mind if you come." - Elaine "Oh, don't worry. I'll be there and I'll be packing an artery." - Jerry
- "I was not winking you idiot. That was the grapefruit. It's like acid. I need that card back. It's Mr. Steinbrenner's. I was responsible." - George
- "Um, mutton! Hope you didn't cut the fat off." - Jerry
- "Would he hit two home runs?" - Bobby "Two? Sure kid, yeah. But then you gotta promise you'll do something for me." - Kramer "I know. Get out of this bed one day and walk again." - Bobby "Yeah, that would be nice. But I really just need this card." - Kramer
- "I wish I could take credit for it. It's actually the line my butcher uses when we're chewing the fat." - Jerry
- "It's cold out, and I didn't bring my own. Jerry! God forbid I should borrow one from Holly. It might have belonged to grandma Memma. Thanks for mutton." - Elaine
- "What exactly is mutton?" - George "I don't know and I didn't want to find out." - Jerry
- "Reversed positions?" - Jerry "Yeah, you know, head to toe." - Elaine "So what your genitals are still lined up." - Jerry "No, because I slept with my back to him." - Elaine
- "Well, after you scarfed up my mutton I had the irresistible urge to make pork chops for you. I said hello to Franco for you." - Holly "Franco?" - Jerry "Your butcher, down the street." - Holly "I bet he acted aloof like he didn't know me." - Jerry "A little." - Holly "That is so Franco." - Jerry
- "So, is the chop the way you like it?" - Holly "I usually like mine with an angioplasty." - Jerry
- "You know as painfull as it is I had to let a few people go over the years. Yogi Berra, Lou Pinella, Bucky Dent, Billy Martin, Dallas Green, Dick Houser, Bill Virdon, Billy Martin, Scott Marrow, Billy Martin, Bob Lemmon, Billy Martin, Gene Michael, Buck Showalter... George, you didn't hear that from me." - Steinbrenner
Oddities & Fun Facts
- Buck Showalter actually resigned from the Yankees on October 27, 1995, shortly after this episode aired
Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)
There is a lot to like in this one but there was also many little annoyances that piled up and took this down a notch for me. Most are probably unfair but as we have established, Seinfeld is graded on an unfair curve and that is all we have to work with. Paul O'Neill and Bobby were real funny in their scenes and I dug all of the stories but James and Holly were both super annoying and I thought Jerry was a dope. I know the shows thrives on minutiae and misunderstanding, but these were a bit tough to get on board with because the truth could have been easily explained each time, so the situations felt a bit forced instead of organic, as the great episodes do. I feel bad going this low here, because it has always been a favorite of mine, but for some reason the little things stood out an bothered me more than in the past. Final Grade: 6/10
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